Focus on the Blank Not the Blot

prayer has been something that i have been thinking and studying a lot lately. you would think cause i have been thinking about it and studying it that i would be getting better at it. i am not. and its frustrating. but i am getting a little better. you have to have discipline in order to have a spiritual life, and I'm working on being discipline.

sometimes when it comes to prayer, we can think that is boring. i think we get in this mind set when prayer becomes a routine. when it becomes too formal. when it becomes the same prayer for the same thing every time. ill agree with you then, when prayer becomes routine and mundane, yes it is boring. but prayer cannot be so formless either. it needs to have some structure, because no structure will let to no prayer at all. i think i have fallen into this "formless" prayer, where there is no real thought in what i am praying. i feel sometimes that i pray because that is what Christians are "supposed to do". and this bothers me that i do that.

when you look at the ink blot above, what do you see? what do you focus on? the blot? the space around it? what?

in prayer i think we sometimes focus on all of our problems and not the widespread mercy of God. for example, if there was a blank white page and there was an ink blot right in the middle of it, because the page was blank, the ink blot will stand out to us and that will be the thing that we focus on. but the ink blot doesn't take over the whole page, its just a small section compared to the rest of the page. there is still a lot of white on the page. the ink blot is our sin, and the rest of the page is God's mercy. in prayer we only focus on the ink blot, our sin, and that's the one thing we focus on. the rest of paper, which is far bigger than the ink blot, is God's mercy, and that is what we should be focusing on. we always pray for and focus on our sins, which is only tiny compared to the rest of the page of God's mercy. THAT'S WHAT OUR PRAYER SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON, THE VAST MERCY THAT SURROUNDS OUR SIN.

Also, praying for your enemies...holy crap. its so hard.

Luke 6:27-36

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

this is so so hard. when i read this, i just laugh because i think of all the times that i failed to do this. its not a laugh of because its funny, its more of an embarrassing, ashamed, laugh. the kind of laugh where you don't look the person in the eyes laugh because you were called out and don't want to make eye contact laugh. i feel that all of my prayers are selfish, i focus on the ink blot. i barely think of others when i pray, let alone my enemies and those i have a hard time dealing with. i am praying that i start to genuinely start to pray for these people. because that's what Jesus told me to do.

then i started to think about who was praying for me as an enemy. that scares me, concerns me. i need to try to live my life to where no one is praying for me as an enemy. this is my goal.

Random Fact: In order to make a billion dollars in one year, you would have to make an average of $31.69 every second.